Ironic War Is the Best Kind
Woman on cell: Yeah, the kitty pushes the others around. He’s a real tyrant… Uh-huh. Guess what she named him: Osama. –Central Park
View ArticleAlexander Confronts the Gordian Knot
Passenger: There’s something wrong at the UN so I have to go in and fix it.–F train, Carroll StOverheard by: confused grad student
View ArticleShe Tried to Take My Fluorescent Light Away
Woman #1: They confiscated my fluorescent light because they said it was a fire hazard.Woman #2: Oh yeah?Woman #1: Yeah…They should have been there when I set my mother on fire.–Target, Erskine St,...
View ArticleIs Your Suicide Vest Too Tight, Honey?
Child: Mommy, why do we have to take off our shoes?Mom: Because that’s the kind of irrational world we live in, where little children have to take off their shoes.–Security line, LaGuardia...
View ArticleI’m Glad to Be out of That Pressure-Cooker!
TSA guard #1: You’re new here, right?TSA guard #2: Yeah. I worked at the Gap before, so this is different.–JFK
View ArticleDid You, Like, Miss a Meeting?
Man in nearly empty train: There’s an unclaimed bag back there on a seat.Conductor: Huh?Man: There’s a bag back there that no one is claiming, and I thought you should know.Conductor: No… I think it...
View ArticleThe Management Will Address Your Concerns on February 30th
Preacher woman: They say, if you see something, say something — if you see a suspicious package, say something! Well, Hell is a suspicious package!Commuter: Since it’s about a hundred and forty degrees...
View ArticleWould That Be the “Zionist Occupation Government” We Hear So Much About?
Guy #1: God, I hate the Heebs. How can I join Hezbollah?Guy #2: Shut the fuck up, man! The government probably heard that!–4 train, 86th StOverheard by: waiting for a sniper to take him out
View ArticleTotally Worth It If You Want to Ascend to a Higher Plane
Businesswoman #1: So I had to go in this little booth, and it has these tiny holes that shoot air at you! And I was like “What on earth is this for?” and the security guy said “Oh, it’s so we can get a...
View ArticleDamn Effete Gangsters
Drunk: They’re, like, Mafia terrorists! …but they’re French. –Divine Bar West Overheard by: Megan Buckley
View ArticleThe Riddler’s a Cop Now
Mom: Excuse me officer, can you tell me where the Crown Building is located? Cop: Lady, if the building collapsed you would be crushed. –57th & 5th
View ArticleHe’d Better Get Free Pretzels
Airport security: Sir, we’ve been informed that you are carrying a firearm aboard this plane. Suit: WHAT?! Flight attendant: I overheard him say he was going to disassemble his firearm! Suit: FLY ROD!...
View ArticleOnce You Go Blue, You Dunno What to Do
Ghetto chick: What the fuck is with all the cops at this station? Punk chick: I don’t know. Ghetto chick: I mean I’m fuckin’ one and all but damn, I still don’t like them. –6 train Overheard by: tasha
View ArticleI’m Glad to Be out of That Pressure-Cooker!
TSA guard #1: You’re new here, right?TSA guard #2: Yeah. I worked at the Gap before, so this is different. –JFK
View ArticleThe Management Will Address Your Concerns on February 30th
Preacher woman: They say, if you see something, say something — if you see a suspicious package, say something! Well, Hell is a suspicious package!Commuter: Since it’s about a hundred and forty degrees...
View ArticleWould That Be the “Zionist Occupation Government” We Hear So Much About?
Guy #1: God, I hate the Heebs. How can I join Hezbollah?Guy #2: Shut the fuck up, man! The government probably heard that! –4 train, 86th St Overheard by: waiting for a sniper to take him out
View ArticleTotally Worth It If You Want to Ascend to a Higher Plane
Businesswoman #1: So I had to go in this little booth, and it has these tiny holes that shoot air at you! And I was like “What on earth is this for?” and the security guy said “Oh, it’s so we can get a...
View ArticleDamn Effete Gangsters
Drunk: They’re, like, Mafia terrorists! …but they’re French. –Divine Bar West Overheard by: Megan Buckley
View ArticleIs Your Suicide Vest Too Tight, Honey?
Child: Mommy, why do we have to take off our shoes?Mom: Because that’s the kind of irrational world we live in, where little children have to take off their shoes. –Security line, LaGuardia Airport...
View ArticleHe’d Better Get Free Pretzels
Airport security: Sir, we’ve been informed that you are carrying a firearm aboard this plane. Suit: WHAT?! Flight attendant: I overheard him say he was going to disassemble his firearm! Suit: FLY ROD!...
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